The Saturn diary of Useless
Useless is the network’s eraser-in-residence. After owls, hedgehogs, bees, sharks, a T. rex, Mars mission control, the Moon and a long stare at Jupiter, it has packed a rubber duck and gone to Saturn. Every fact in here has been checked by someone more qualified, i.e. anyone.
- Day 1 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Saturn could float in a bath, if anyone had a bath that big. I can’t float in a bath. I’ve tried. I sank like a small pink brick. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 2 (each one about 10.7 hours)
If Earth were a nickel, Saturn would be a volleyball. I tried to serve a nickel once. It didn’t go over the net. Nothing went over the net. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 3 (each one about 10.7 hours)
A day on Saturn lasts about 10.7 hours. That’s one breakfast, one lunch and no time at all for a second breakfast. Hard pass. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 4 (each one about 10.7 hours)
A year on Saturn is about 29.4 Earth years. On Saturn I’d still be waiting for my first birthday. I’ve already planned the cake. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 5 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Saturn’s main rings are billions of chunks of ice and rock, and mostly about 10 metres thick. My desk drawer is also billions of chunks of rubbish. About 10 centimetres thick. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 6 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Galileo looked at Saturn and wondered if it had handles. I have often wondered if I have handles. I don’t. I checked in the mirror. NASA Space Place: All about Saturn
- Day 7 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Saturn’s north pole has a hexagon-shaped jet stream. Six sides. I’m a rectangle. Four sides. I feel underqualified. NASA Science: Saturn facts
- Day 8 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Mimas has a crater so big it looks like the Death Star. I have a dent from a stapler. It looks like a dent from a stapler. NASA Science: Mimas
- Day 9 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Iapetus is dark on one side and bright on the other. I’m pink on one end and blue on the other. We should form a band. NASA Science: Iapetus
- Day 10 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Titan has rain, rivers and seas, but they’re methane and ethane. Not a great day at the beach. Bring a coat. Bring a lot of coats. NASA Science: Titan facts
- Day 11 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Titan’s dunes are made of dark grains that look like coffee grounds. I’ve met a desk like that. NASA Science: Titan facts
- Day 12 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Enceladus sprays ice out of cracks called tiger stripes. I sprayed eraser crumbs on a maths test once. Nobody called them tiger stripes. NASA Science: Enceladus
- Day 13 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Enceladus is the most reflective thing in the solar system. I’m the least reflective thing on this desk. Opposites attract. NASA Science: Enceladus
- Day 14 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Hyperion tumbles about and looks like a sponge. Same, after a long day. Same. NASA Science: Hyperion
- Day 15 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Phoebe goes round Saturn backwards. I once walked into a room backwards. Nobody asked why. I didn’t know either. NASA Science: Phoebe
- Day 16 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Cassini-Huygens swung past Venus twice, Earth once and Jupiter once on the way to Saturn. I take the long way to the pencil pot too. ESA: Cassini-Huygens factsheet
- Day 17 (each one about 10.7 hours)
On 19 July 2013, Cassini took a photo of Earth from Saturn, and people were told in advance so they could wave. I missed it. I was facing the wrong way. NASA Science: The Day the Earth Smiled
- Day 18 (each one about 10.7 hours)
Dragonfly will hop around Titan once every one or two Titan days. I hop around the desk once every one or two sneezes. NASA Science: Dragonfly · checked 27 Oct 2026